make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
