i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
