I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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