Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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