Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
