You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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