Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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