you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
