is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
