Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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