Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
