Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
