ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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