Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
