Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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