Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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