You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
