I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
