The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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