Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We just shotgunned beers for America
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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