when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
