Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
