Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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