The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
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I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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