apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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