A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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