problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
