I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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