So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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