I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
