the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
