Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
