Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
