tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
