Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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