Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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