Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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