You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
