Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
