I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
