I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
