sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
