glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
