And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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