Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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