Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
