i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
