Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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