this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
