Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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