I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
