Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
