note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
