I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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