Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
