If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
