Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she told me i tasted like america
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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