How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
