pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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