She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want her autograph on my taint
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
