And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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