Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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