They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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