Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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