You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize