Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
