what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
