Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize