I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
