I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
