I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
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