I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
