Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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