Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
