Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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