3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
