I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
