i think my mom watched the whole time
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
