How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
from now on my penis is your penis
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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