I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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