I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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