If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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