My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
