So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
