Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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