i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
